untold secrets.

I recently came across the most disturbing thing in my life, and when I refer to my life I am basically talking about my family life. Untold secrets.

You know how you would meet new people almost every day? Recently I just met this guy through a friend. What we had in common was that we listen to the same music, and this helps us to get along so well. In the process of getting to know each other, I got to know that he actually has been stalking me all along. I really had no idea that he has been following me behind.

Before knowing that, we once went out for a luncheon, around town. As we were having our conversation, I got to realise that he knows a lot about my family that I actually don’t. He started talking about some of the things that I have no idea about.

Most of them I really cannot disclose them, I feel like they are family matters. But what I have noticed is that, if I were to disclose them to my family, they could perhaps divide us, deter our relationship as a family and freeze the development on each one of us. There’s no question that family secrets are destructive, but it matters mightily when and how you reveal them, I tried to resist the temptation to handle them at transition times. In my own experience, however, has shown me that telling secrets in the wrong way or at the wrong time can be remarkably painful and hurtful.

The questions we need to concern ourselves with are, how do I tell a secret without hurting anyone? How do I know that the time is right? I have learned the answers as I’ve witnessed-sometimes with terror, more often with joy, and always with deep respect-families making the courageous journey from secrecy to openness.

I got to learn that secrets are kept or opened for many complex motives, from self-serving abuses of power to altruistic protection of others. Understanding the best ways and situations in which to reveal a family secret can help you decide when and how to do so.

Secrets sabotage, although we encounter secrets in every area of life, they are perhaps most destructive when kept in the home. Families are our support systems, our identity and ability to form close relationships with others depend upon the trust and communication we feel with loved ones. If family members keep secrets from each other or from the outside world, the emotional fallout can last a lifetime.

The contented life

“He who is contented is rich”- Lao Tzu

I have always grown up with a desire to feel content in my life. I think it is very normal, knowing that you are whole and everything is on point. I’VE learned ways to perhaps, reach that feeling, being in a state of ease, having an idea that every situation you are bound to be involved in, can be overcome and in most cases, it shall pass. There has been little in my life that has made as much an impact as learning to be content, with my life, where I am, What I’m doing, what I have, who I’m with, who I am.

Let me share with you what has really changed…

As I learned to be content, I leaned to be happy with a healthier food, and my health improved and waistline shrunk. I relied on a good book, spending more time with my loved ones. In this case, my family and close friends, I learned to be happier with who I was and what I was doing and you can imagine, I so no longer needed self-improvement books or programs. I really needed no new tools or systems.

I totally became happy with my self, with those around me and with what I had- and so did not need to strive to change everything, letting go of goals helped me to simplify things so I had less to worry about, less to do.  I’m no longer in a place where I seek validation or confirmation, that I am worthy from someone else. I have learned that myself.

That’s just the start. There is no way to account for the tremendous change that happens when you learn to accept who you are, when you tell yourself you are perfect just as you are, when you love yourself and everything about yourself.

Communication...  

Communication is the foundation for sharing information between people to ensure that everything is understood and can be acted upon. Without good communication, missions fail and others can not help to fulfill the mission. Another reason communication is important is because you leave others out of the loop and they can not inform higher the proper status of what is going on. Communication as defined in the American Heritage Dictionary is the exchange of thoughts, expressions, and or information. This is the basis of all communications. 
Communication among individuals, teams, units, and organizations is essential to efficient and effective mission accomplishment. Two-way communication is much more effective than one-way communication. Mission accomplishment depends on information passing accurately to and from subordinates and leaders, up and down the chain of command and NCO support channel, and laterally among adjacent organizations. 

The Army has only one chain of command. Through this chain of command, leaders issue orders and instructions and convey policies. A healthy chain of command is a two way communications channel. Its members do more than transmit orders; they carry information from within the unit or organization back up to its leaders. They furnish information about how things are developing, notify the leader of problems, and provide requests for clarification and help. Leaders at all levels use the chain of command to keep their people informed and render assistance. They continually facilitate the process of gaining the necessary clarification and solving problems.
The downfall of communication can lead to mission failure and this can not be the case when the mission of any kind fails due to poor communication.

Bloomingness!

Just like a flower, I have always known that there will always be a time where I shine. Like anyone else, I have always had my ups and downs as a student. There were some point where I almost gave up on my studies, because of the pressure that I was feeling. Many of the people who started at the same time we did, dropped out, changed majors, etc. they quit. I have always had that sixth sense that would always tell me to never quit, and I am grateful for it. I’m not a quitter. I’d rather fail a class three times and eventually pass it than quit and resign myself to the idea that I “just can’t get it.” If you see failure as an end, that makes you a quitter. You can’t succeed at anything if you quit. Don’t be a quitter, be a failure who is always willing to try it once again

Behind every success story is an embarrassing first effort, a stumble, a setback or a radical change of direction. It’s these first clumsy steps on the road to fame and fortune. 

When you see someone who’s very successful, you almost imagine that it was a foregone conclusion, that they’re a genius, that they were destined for great things.

Where I am right now, is not where I am destined to be, but I am definitely sure, it is a right path for me to where I should be. Like a flower, there are times when I bloom so hard, that I shine and be happy for what I am doing. There is so much to life for me. I just discovered that I am writer, well, a very good one in this regard. And I am definitely enjoying expressing my feelings through writing. I also enjoy being a presenter or rather a reporter in any broadcasting sphere. I am blooming Hun! I have finally released my potential and I see a lot great stuff ahead of me.

One of the things that made me feel this good about my career path, is probably moving outside my comfort zone. I’m a very different person from the person I was a year ago. I am very open minded, humble and one person who is very outspoken and a go getter. I’m good in balancing my social life and school work, so I think I won’t have any difficulties when I get to be exposed in the work sphere.

Pushing people away.
Posted on September 8, 2016
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We’re so used to pushing people away. We drive them away, only to protect ourselves – those walls of imperfection peep beneath the silhouette of a sturdy barrier. We don’t entertain them because we’re tired of getting hurt, we’re tired of letting people into our old, worn out and battered hearts. Worst of all, we keep them out because we don’t want them to get the best of us. We barely let anyone in because we know how bad it is to have a part of you taken away – and this scares us most.

We push people away, because we want a collateral for the damage they would cause – that being their ability to wait and be patient. We slowly test their interest towards us as time plays its own surprises. We slow them down, in the hopes of getting to know them better. We stop them, if we should, to tell them that we’re not easy, because truth be told, we’re scared and we’re naïve, yet we want to take chances. It’s like standing in between liking and rejecting — confused and unsettled, like a force field you gravitate towards to without any battle plan in mind. There’s this inner voice that urges you to take the fall, yet your brain doesn’t comprehend these signals. With mixed emotions on how not to, we resort to the easy way out and which is to drive them away. Are we going to insulate ourselves from getting close to others because we’re afraid of losing them? Or are we going to be vulnerable and go out into the world with an open mind and an open heart, ready to embrace others.

It’s okay to drive them away, to see how far they’re willing to stay, because people come and go. The most important people in your life stay put even at the midst of terror and confusion. They see you at your best and at your worst, but they never judge the way you do things. They will never question your decisions, nor pin you down with petty issues because they know you better. Its okay to veer away from them, because we need our own time to find ourselves lost in a familiar place. We will think and rethink our decisions, find our purpose and goals in life, because we have to know ourselves first, before we can share ourselves with others. The best people will allow us to get lost and find ourselves; they will assure us that we can always go back to the people we find “home” in. Most important of all, it’s okay to push them away, because people with the purest intentions will pull you back in, every time you choose to evict them out of your life. They will wait for the right time when you’re ready to share yourself with others, it doesn’t matter how long; and until that time when you’ve defeated your demons, they’ll welcome you with open arms – only then can you say that you’re willing to bring your walls down and let them in.

As humans, we’re capable of loving, caring and destroying, just as much as we’re given the liberty to be part of someone else’s life or not. We can’t just let everyone in, so choose wisely, because there’s a reason we always hold back and that is to protect ourselves and make sure the people who are with us right now are here to stay – for a long while.

Now, I’m just going to go ahead and say it so you have confirmation of the truth that’s already in your head: it’s a jackass move to push people out of your life, out of your life out of fear. Actually, it is jackass move to do just about anything out of the place of fear. If you want a life full of awesome relationships, put your heart on the line first. Be the example; let people know that they can trust you, because they are struggling with the same fears too. We all are. I actually can’t stand it when people say, particularly about romantic relationships, “I don’t need someone else to complete me”.

Screw that. I don’t know about you, but my life is definitely more complete because of the people who’ve entered it. So if we can agree that relationships really matter, the choice becomes obvious, let go of the fear and just love others as much as you can.

Written by Jolene Tshakane

OVER INFLATED EGO

One of the most destructive of creative sins is an over-inflated ego. When many people hear the word “ego,” they immediately think of the know-it-all manager charging into the room and insisting that everyone bend their life and work around his every whim. This is certainly one exhibition of ego, but there are less obvious types that we must be careful to avoid if we want to do our best creative work consistently. 

Whenever there is conflict or tension between individuals, be it in a professional environment or a social one, “inflated egos” are usually to blame for the conflict. Some individuals wanted too much attention for themselves, and they were willing to compromise social cohesion in order to make themselves stand out. Many meetings are a complete waste of time (and energy) because attendees aren’t concerned with the well-being of the company they work in, but simply wish to defend the ideas they came with and to undermine the contributions of others, so they can look better.

This – according to popular myth – is caused by “inflated egos.” In reality, the opposite is true. It’s not inflated egos that are to blame, but deflated ones.

Inflated egos are required for healthy living and fruitful social interaction. Problems only arise when egos are deflated, and the poor ego tries desperately to inflate itself through any means possible. To make sense of what I’m saying, it’s important to re-visit what “ego” means. Ego means self. It is how you define yourself as an individual, it is an answer to the question “who am I?”

Inflated ego on the other hand, it doesn’t need the praise of others to inflate it or keep it inflated. A healthy ego is driven by its own impression of itself. But since it does not seek to deceive itself, it is open to the criticism of others. Criticism isn’t seen as a threat, but as an opportunity to re-evaluate itself, based on the observations others have made, which the individual may have overlooked about himself. If the criticism is valid, it does not deflate the ego. It merely points out an area that requires more attention.

Inflated egos aren’t threatened by the accomplishments of others. They realize that others possess strengths they may not possess, but it does not undermine their own strengths and worth. An inflated ego is willing to learn from others, so it can grow its strengths through their strengths

Recently I came across my kindergarten graduation picture. What a hoot! Wide grins showed missing front teeth, girls sported bouffant hairdos, and a frazzled teacher stood in the corner looking strangely relieved. But, as usual, the first thought that crossed my mind as I stared at the photo was “I’m bigger than everyone else!” In the centre of the back row, I stood head and shoulders above all the boys. The rest of the girls lined the front row, looking dainty and small
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I was always one of the fattest girls in my class. But I battled with my weight for years, feeling like a large Elephant standing in a pond among cute little ducks and beautiful swans. While others thought my height was an asset, I felt so different whenever I am around my friends.
My weight has not been my only battle with self confidence. I have also warred against my loud voice, my extreme clumsiness, and my tendency to be bossy. All of these are attributes that others promised me were either blessings in disguise or “stages” I would outgrow. I’m not sure that either has proven true, but the battles are over all the same.

The battle within most of us struggle to feel confident in who we are. Whether our points of vulnerability are physical, emotional, intellectual, or spiritual, we all have areas where we feel less than adequate. When we focus on these insecurities, our self confidence wanes and we fail to live up to our fullest potential. Out of embarrassment, we shrink back into the shadows, hoping no one notices. Or we compensate for our insecurities by overplaying our strengths, i.e. making everyone laugh because we feel unintelligent. This can be regarded as sad.
I started feeling more comfortable in my own skin, as soon as I got in the higher grades in my High School, simply because I was starting to grow up and losing few kilos.
I've always have been a very active person, even if I had the most biggest curves. I was participating in netball and I would take afternoon jogs with my younger brother. I would not do those because of I am probably trying to lose weight, no.
But simply to try to be in shape and perhaps be fit.

I've always aspired to get in a bikini suit but there has been a voice at the back of my mind not agreeing with what I aspire to. last year my cousins and I went to Durban South beach. that was the most memorable trip I ever had.  arriving at the beach, I felt so confident. for the very first time I was wearing a bikini suit, and I did not give a hoot of what everyone was thinking Actually, people were minding their business. The feeling was so AMAZING.
let me take this platforms and say to those who lack confident about their physique, you are gonna miss out a lot whilst you still in your shape. Don't try to change anything about you. you are you and you are enough. LOVE YOURSELF